"Customer Service" - When the Customer is Often Wrong

Most of us do not come to treatment because everything at home (or at work or at school) was going along so fantastic they decided to put their life on hold and check into treatment.

No, most of us had a moment of clarity that perhaps our way of doing life is not so good. Or, we were intervened on by loved ones or a boss (and some of us got a "nudge from the judge"). At this time we are realizing at least half of the first Step of AA:

Step one – Admitted we were powerless over alcohol (or drugs or food, gambling ect.) and that our lives had become unmanageable.

Denial of the Problem

Sometimes the delusion is so great or the denial is so strong, we may not realize why we are in treatment.  We may say for example "I may have a problem with drugs but alcohol has never been a problem" Some of us come in even more delusional than that. 

The Responsibility of the Treatment Center

Sober Living by the Sea is one of hundreds of different treatment centers with many different styles of treating people. Often, the clients that come to our facility may be wrong, but it is our facility's duty to provide the best possible customer service and care available.

The mission of Sober Living by the Sea is to give people the best possible chance at grasping recovery for the long term.  We have to balance the immediate desires and opinions of our clients with our knowledge of how to effectively treat addiction.  We cannot force a program of recovery on a newcomer but we cannot allow ourselves to become a getaway beach resort for people whose lives are threatened by alcoholism and addiction.

We Are in the Business of Saving Lives

With the benefit of having 23 years of experience, a collection of the finest addiction professionals, and a beautiful location in a vibrant recovery community, we are able to guide the men and women who come to us for help toward a life free of addiction.

First, we stabilize the man or woman (sometimes starting with detox) and then they are welcomed into the recovery process with smiles and assurance that we are glad they are here. We know from experience what it is like to be in that person's shoes.  We often see people who are probably a little scared and confused (I know I was). All of our staff knows that when we engage that new man or woman, the interactions we have with that person may be life changing for them.  It is our opportunity to really make a life changing difference. We are in the business of saving lives. 

Our clients and their families are trusting us to provide a safe and healthy recovery environment.  They trust us to teach them how to stop the madness of addiction that has been ruining their lives.

This sounds like a tall order and it is definitely a huge responsiby. This can often be personally draining. That is the price that is paid to be number one.  It is equally important that the staff of our facility takes care of itself and guard against the possibility of "burn out" or mental/physical fatigue. We must stay fit mentally, physically, and spiritually to best help the customer who comes to us that in the beginning is often wrong.

- Kelly Kettle

Zombies and Life by Vince Jones

     Having life in the spiritual sense is different from just being alive. We have met spiritual “zombies” as we have moved through life. Possibly at some point in our own lives we lived as zombies for a time. This state is arrived at when we close our minds to new information, refuse out of stubbornness (actually fear) to recognize a different point of view or even the possibility that we may be mistaken, we close our minds to growth and mount the sacred cow of arrogance and contempt. 

 

All zombies ride sacred cows. Now there is an interesting visual. The good news is that once we dismount the cow life returns. “There is a principle which is a bar against all arguments, which is proof against all arguments and which cannot fail to keep a man in everlasting ignorance-that principle is contempt prior to investigation.” Stay young at heart by a willingness to investigate everything that interests you. By remaining open minded and willing to learn, we open ourselves to the sunlight of the Spirit where we find our connection to the eternal and “experience life when you feel yourself to be free and useful and joyous, unconscious of either fear or doubt.”

 

- Vince Jones

Our Promise by Vince Jones

          Living on the Spiritual Basis promises much: “We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past or wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace…That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear…Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic security will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us…When we look back, we realize that the things which came to us when we put ourselves in God’s hands were better than anything we could have planned…As we felt new power flow in, as we enjoyed peace of mind, as we discovered we could face life successfully, as we became conscious of His Presence, we began to lose our fear of today, tomorrow or the hereafter. We were reborn.”                 


Are these extravagant promises? We think not…They will always materialize if we work for them”
(Alcoholics Anonymous pgs 63,83,84 & 100 respectively).
        
If this and more is promised to those suffering from addiction, could you expect anything less in your life? Place your will and life into His hands and this and so much more is yours, for it is the promise and God keeps all His promises.

- by VInce Jones


Read more thoughts from Vince on his blog.

The Gracious Will of God by Vince Jones

 Living on the Spiritual Basis, the basis of trusting and relying upon God, it would be foolish not to think of what the full impact of this means in our lives. We have been raised with or exposed to certain depictions of God, many of them rather frightening, yet we are being asked to voluntarily surrender to Him. One of the concepts that always troubled me was: God loves you, but if you commit certain sins, you are damned for all eternity. Seems a little harsh. Eternity is an awful long time; a pretty high price for acts committed in the course of a life that balanced against eternity would amount to less than an eye blink in time. Then there are those poverty and chastity vows.

       As my consciousness rose, it became clear that many of the scariest aspects of God were human constructs, though based in scripture they required some rather interesting interpretations of very selective passages, typically ignoring others that were contradictory. Today I do not argue with or contradict those who hold on to a punishing, inflexible concept of God, a demonstration in love a much more powerful persuader. I believe, a nd believe this holds true for all, that God is “Our Father” and wants all His children to be Happy, Joyous and Free. That we are forgiven as soon as we ask as long as we walk the way we talk(much easier said than done), no sin so grievous that if we mean business, God will restore us to sanity, a demonstration of true grace (grace does not erase earthly consequences for our actions, it does provide us with the strength to face them). The realm of Heaven being roomy, all-inclusive, never exclusive or forbidding, it is open, I believe to all who earnestly seek, regardless of present conditions or circumstances. All that is required is an open heart, an open mind and the willingness to go to any lengths for a spiritual experience, turning sacred cows out to pasture and wishing the same for all that we wish to have in our lives.

- by Vince Jones

Vince Jones is an expert on the 12-Step program of Alcoholics Anonymous and a historian of the AA text and program. This includes studying the teachings of Emmet Fox who was influential to the founders of AA. Vince lectures to clients at Sober Living by the Sea which is a treatment center in California.  You can also find Vince’s blog Thought for the Day here.

The Responsibility that Comes with Successful Recovery

Steven East is a staff member at Sober Living by the Sea who takes takes recovery very seriously. As you can read in this blog entry, he is committed to carrying the message. 

Altruistic Gifts

 We are fortunate to have been given a voice among countless suffering afforded none. Like many altruistic gifts, at times it seams as though we have been cursed. To look into the eyes of a mother who almost lost her son to an overdose can be painful. Sometimes the right words, in such a situation, are elusive. Sometimes it is better to not speak at all. Like a cure that seams more painful than the disease our perceptions ultimately determine our reality.

Responsibility

We have the responsibility that comes with such a gift to speak for those denied their voice. We can only hope that the right words will be delivered through us. Many times it is not so much what we say but what we do that conveys our message. There are countless ways to say “I Love you and Every Thing is Going to be OK”, with out ever saying a word. After all it is natural for a chemically dependent individual to have mistrust; their former cohorts have done a good job conditioning them as such.

Interpretation

We have been honored by society and endowed by our creator to be able to interpret the pain of these unfortunate who suffer harshly. Many of us have walked a thousand miles in their shoes. Many of us believe our way of life is contingent upon helping others that share our past misery. Others see the rewards of purpose in this endeavor. No matter what lies in the formality of our motives, what we do will always rein supreme over why we do it. The world is filled with people with good motives that do nothing. The world is also filled with people that have good motives, but are incapable of doing no harm. It is not by accident that we are where we are. We all share a common fate. It is one thing to be given the gift of recovery and it is quite another to have been given the gift to help others recover.

- Steven East

Steven East is a Certified Drug and Alcohol Counselor (CADAC II). He specializes in Client Centered Therapy. His approach utilizes an eclectic array of positive reinforcement motivational techniques. His methods help guild our patients towards self-actualization.

The Cab Ride

 This was passed along to me by Vince Jones.

THE CAB RIDE

So I walked to the door and knocked. 'Just a minute', answered a frail, elderly voice. I could hear something being dragged across the floor.

After a long pause, the door opened. A small woman in her 90's stood before me. She was wearing a print dress and a pillbox hat with a veil pinned on it, like somebody out of a 1940s movie.

By her side was a small nylon suitcase. The apartment looked as if no one had lived in it for years. All the furniture was covered with sheets.

There were no clocks on the walls, no knickknacks or utensils on the counters. In the corner was a cardboard box filled with photos and glassware.

'Would you carry my bag out to the car?' she said.

I took the suitcase to the cab, then returned to assist the woman. She took my arm and we walked slowly toward the curb.

She kept thanking me for my kindness. 'It's nothing', I told her.. 'I just try to treat my passengers the way I would want my mother treated'.

'Oh, you're such a good boy', she said. When we got in the cab, she gave me an address, and then asked, 'Could you drive through downtown?'

'It's not the shortest way,' I answered quickly.

'Oh, I don't mind,' she said. 'I'm in no hurry. I'm on my way to a hospice'.

I looked in the rear-view mirror. Her eyes were glistening.

'I don't have any family left,' she continued.

'The doctor says I don't have very long.' I quietly reached over and shut off the meter.

'What route would you like me to take?' I asked. For the next two hours, we drove through the city. She showed me the building where she had once worked as an elevator operator.

We drove through the neighborhood where she and her husband had lived when they were newlyweds. She had me pull up in front of a furniture warehouse that had once been a ballroom where she had gone dancing as a girl.

Sometimes she'd ask me to slow in front of a particular building or corner and would sit staring into the darkness, saying nothing.

As the first hint of sun was creasing the horizon, she suddenly said, 'I'm tired.. Let's go now'

We drove in silence to the address she had given me. It was a low building, like a small convalescent home, with a driveway that passed under a portico.

Two orderlies came out to the cab as soon as we pulled up.

They were solicitous and intent, watching her every move.

They must have been expecting her.

I opened the trunk and took the small suitcase to the door.

The woman was already seated in a wheelchair.

'How much do I owe you?' she asked, reaching into her purse.

'Nothing,' I said

'You have to make a living,' she answered.

'There are other passengers,' I responded.

Almost without thinking, I bent and gave her a hug. She held onto me tightly.

'You gave an old woman a little moment of joy,' she said.

'Thank you.'

I squeezed her hand, and then walked into the dim morning light. Behind me, a door shut. It was the sound of the closing of a life.

I didn't pick up any more passengers that shift. I drove aimlessly lost in thought. For the rest of that day, I could hardly talk. What if that woman had gotten an angry driver, or one who was impatient to end his shift?

What if I had refused to take the run, or had honked once, then driven away?

On a quick review, I don't think that I have done anything more important in my life.

We're conditioned to think that our lives revolve around great moments.

But great moments often catch us unaware-beautifully wrapped in what others may consider a small one.

PEOPLE MAY NOT REMEMBER EXACTLY WHAT YOU DID, OR WHAT YOU SAID, ~BUT~THEY WI LL ALWAYS REMEMBER HOW YOU MADE THEM FEEL.

The Captain is on the Bridge by Vince Jones

Occasionally a teaching qualifies for “sell all the books, everything needed is here."

Emmet Fox provides one of those with: The Captain Is On The Bridge (from Around The Year With Emmet Fox pg. 248).

When this quote was originally written, it was during:

• the Great Depression
• Prohibition
• The displacement of millions in America’s dust choked heartland
• The drums of war beating with Hitler rising to power and Japan threatening 

Yet Dr. Fox confidently states that The Captain Is On The Bridge:


“The world is not going to the dogs. The human race is not doomed. Civilization is not going to crash. The Captain is on the bridge. Humanity is going through a difficult time, but humanity has gone through difficulties many times before in its long history, and has always come through, strengthened and purified.

Do not worry yourself about the universe collapsing. It is not going to collapse, and anyway that question is none of your business. The Captain is on the bridge. If the survival of humanity depended upon you or me, it would be a poor look out for the Great Enterprise, would it not?

The Captain is on the bridge. God is still in business. All that you have to do is to realize the Presence of God where trouble seems to be, to do your nearest duty to the very best of your ability; and to keep an even mind until the storm is over.”
God doesn't need my help in running the Universe, let alone my life, but I certainly need His. Fortunately, The Captain Is On The Bridge.

- Vince Jones
Vince Jones is the Monday Night Lecturer for many of the clients who are getting treatment at our rehab facilities. He is an expert on the 12-Step program of Alcoholics Anonymous and a historian of the AA text and program. This includes studying the teachings of Emmet Fox who was influential to the founders of AA. Check out Vince's blog "Thought for the Day."

Is There a Right or Wrong Way to Get a Sponsor?

While I am certainly no AA guru, I will share a couple of things I feel that are important. Please feel free to send your comments if you have anything to add.

Getting an AA Sponsor

In my opinion there are certain things to look for in a sponsor - he or she should ideally have worked the 12 steps and have a sponsor.

Really though, I believe there is a lot of power in just taking the ACTION of getting sponsor.

More thoughts:
1) I do not think that there is a right or a wrong way to get a sponsor, the only possible wrong way I feel, would be not to get one at all.

2) I feel that one of the very most important things is that we are willing enough to take the action and get out of our comfort zone and do something for our own recovery.

I feel it would be a tremendous sense of surrender to take that direction of finding a sponsor weather it is the right one or not (in a short time we will know). More importantly, by the time we are looking for a sponsor, we probably have a desire to stop drinking or drugging and may suspect that we are powerless over drugs and alcohol and our lives have become unmanageable.

3) If possible I would like to try to take some of the fear out of it (getting a sponsor)

Most all of us had someone show us how to take that first drink, pill, snort, or hit. A sponsor is just going to help us on another journey a clean and sober one through the steps that can be foreign and a little scary.



I hope this was helpful and I would love to hear any feedback or questions.

- Kelly Kettle